Friday, June 27, 2008

Pictures from this Past Year


Packing my bike to go to the east coast... my son Cameron is a great help!




Finish line of last year's MS ride. Just Linda and me. This year we'll be part of Andy's team, not just riding in memory of his father!




Here is the most amazing woman - she is 85 and has ridden the MS ride for almost 25 years. Notice the skirt and high heels! She gets spontaneous applause from everybody at every rest stop along the way.



Me and my shadow - I snapped this with my phone camera on a training ride through the farmlands of the Willamette Valley where I live.




























Kris Long from North Dakota is one of many people who bring delight to being on the road.

Monday, June 23, 2008

REFLECTIONS ON THE YEAR...

The ASCA conference is nearly upon us, which means we've wrapped up another school year. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the year. This is a time when I can sit back to consider new trends and unusual phenomenon in the greater arena of school crisis. One way I measure that is to look at what circumstances led people who had attended training, and in many cases have led very active and accomplished crisis response teams, to call for coaching. Often teams respond to a variety of deaths and events and then find one that throws them for a loop, or has potential legal implications, or has great conflict with the ethics or values of a district. At those times I am very open to providing all of the phone consultation and often some email support as well, to help teams get through as well as possible.

Looking historically, although the changes may not have been as abrupt as it seemed, the difference in the '80s and the '90s in school crisis seemed to be all about school shootings and the advent of threat assessment. Although this has been a continuing theme since the turn of this century, I am receiving a few other categories of calls for assistance much more often than a decade or even a few years ago.

One is that there seems to be an upsurge in arrests of teachers for the broad category of child sexual abuse, ranging from teachers having affairs with students to teachers arrested for involvement with child pornography to those who think they are soliciting sex with a minor only to be met at the rendezvous by an FBI agent. At those times, district administrators often struggle with how much to tell students about why the teacher is gone and question how much to tell parents through letters or other communications. Although there is much to consider in cases such as these, clearly there is one standard by which I measure much, and that is, to maintain the trust of parents, it is much better for them to hear it from us than to hear it from another source. Hearing from anyone other than the school guarantees that the school's efforts, policies and procedures, immediate action and methods of safeguarding children will not be represented. Instead, parents will come to believe that the school's efforts are what the media reports, or what they hear via the grapevine, and those will never do the district justice.

Another new phenomenon (probably not new, but coming to our attention more and more often) includes students who have committed homicide, often involving another student or people in the community who are known to the school. In this category, I'm not speaking of gang-related incidents, but rather times when a student who appears by all standards to be an ordinary kid. And something goes amiss. Something that leaves the students, the school and the community with their mouths agape. Often, again, administration is reluctant to address these events openly with students. But our failure to do so simply reinforces to students that, yes, even homicide is just a part of everyday life and we can certainly go on as though nothing has happened. To do this sorely misses the teachable moment for students and we reinforce the school climate that says to students, "If you hear of someone planning such a horrific event, you need not mention it to anyone. We don't talk about those things here." Sweeping these incidents under the rug leaves our schools and our communities more vulnerable to continued similar events.

Finally, this year brought a great number of schools calling with unusual teacher or staff deaths with which to cope. Some were teacher deaths due to socially unacceptable deaths (such as drunk driving) and others were simply heart wrenching moments (such as the death of a pregnant teacher or the death of the infant of a teacher in a school in which there were several other pregnant teachers).

Each of these calls is just as valuable to me as it is for those of you who place them. I know that even my just being a sounding board can help you hear your own process with greater clarity, but too, I know I bring the thoughts that have been generated in a hundred calls like this over the past years, and many good people with whom I've worked have come to great solutions for sticky challenges. My greater message in all of this is that I never want you to hesitate to call to check out an idea, ask for suggestions or see whether I might already have a handout that will be helpful in the moment. This is an ever-changing field and it is my job to stay on the cutting edge and be available to bring that knowledge to you in the moments you most need it.
Enjoy summer and we'll "see" you again in the fall!

CJ

CARE FOR THE CAREGIVER

Many of you ask how I stay so very optimistic in the face of the kinds of circumstances that fill my work. And those of you who attended my keynote at the Pennsylvania School Counselors Association Conference or the conference for counselors in North Dakota all know - biking is one of the major stress reducers in my life. So we're doing it again ~ Linda Shoemaker (counselor from Lancaster county, PA) and I are gearing up for the Seattle-to-Portland bike ride on July 12-13 (that's 204 miles from [duh] Seattle, WA to Portland, OR) and then (drum roll, please) (here's where you come in...) we are also once again raising funds for research to fight Multiple Sclerosis and will do the City to Shore MS Fundraiser Ride in September. I have to raise $250 to be allowed to ride. As riders, we both pay a registration fee (I did that on faith!) and then have to raise the $250.

Last year we rode in tribute to the life of Myron Godfrey, the father of Linda's principal, Andy Godfrey. Andy was moved that we would do his and, in fact, his family contributed to my fundraising efforts. This year, Andy and two other fellows from the Lampter-Strausburg School District are joining with Linda and me and the good news is that we're a team! We're the Pioneer Peddlers (their school team name being the Pioneers). The bad news is that all of Andy's family who will contribute will now contribute to his fundraising efforts, so I'm on my own this year.

We each have a web page for the fundraising, and they're kind of fun to read whether you want to contribute or not. I ride because I love to ride, and even more, because as my joints age, it is the "use it or lose it" syndrome! But for the MS ride, I also find great inspiration as we ride for 150 miles and sprinkled along the path are people who are in camp chairs to wheel chairs with signs like, "I have MS. Thank you for riding." They are in all different levels of disability with the disease, and I'm sure that many who are flagging us through intersections also have MS but are physically fit enough to be helping. Others fix us PB&Js and hand out treats at the rest stops. They think they're inspired to see us ride, but it is really the other way around. It is amazing to me that in the midst of their struggles, they show up the show appreciation. The other absolutely delightful inspiration is the 85-year-old Asian woman who has done this ride (remember, we're talking 150 miles here) for almost 25 years, always in high heels and a nice little skirt. (No kidding!)

So! Take a look here to see my MS Ride web page. And if you know of someone whose loved one has MS and you think they might want to contribute toward research, please feel free to forward this link to them as well.

Friday, November 2, 2007


One of the things we talk about in training is how important care for the caregiver is -- those of us who work in fields that are demanding of us on a psychological or emotional level can easily hit burn-out if we aren't finding wonderful ways of rejuvenation and renewal. I thought it would be fun to post a little about the greatest physical outlet I use - cycling. How surprising and delightful that my biking buddy ends up being a school counselor I met in the process of responding to the Nickel Mines shooting in October of 2006.

We met in October, were becoming fast friends, and she decided to join a gym in December, purchased a bike in April, and we did our first 204 mile bicycle event joining 8,998 other riders in the "Seattle-to-Portland" in July of '07. What a rush! It is just great fun to have bikers ahead of and behind you for as far as you can see. We loved it so much we signed up to do the MS fund raiser that goes from Cherry Hill NJ to Ocean City and back again. 175 miles of pure heaven.

What I love about riding with Linda is that we are almost one unit when we get into it. Heads down, shoulders rounded, one front tire just off the back of the other's, and we just zoom. Last summer we rode the MS fund raiser in memory of Linda's principal's father, who died of MS. If you know someone who has MS or would like to donate to our fund raising efforts, the web site for that ride is "City to Shore" MS ride, and it will let you look for a rider's page. Put in "Cheri Lovre" and you should find my page.

Monday, April 30, 2007

BLOG 101 ~ How to read comments, and ask questions...


For those that are new to "Blogging" here's a tip:

Several people have posted comments, asked questions, and want to read what others have written and what my feedback has been. To read these things, just go to the bottom of the "post" or "letter" that I have written, and there is a little line below my signature that reads "comments" - click on that and it will take you where you need to go!

Thanks for taking time to look at my blog site, and your interest in what others are asking and saying.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Virginia Tech

It is with great sadness that we send out this message. Our hearts are heavy as we all hold great compassion for those whose lives have been shattered by this terrible event at Virginia Tech. Many of you on our mailing list are in K-12 schools, but many of you are also parents of college students. We hope you'll forward it to other parents of college students and especially, to those you might know who work in colleges. Resources and links...We all always hope it won't happen again, and we all know that, somewhere, some time, it will. But this was again, another worst.

Because it happened on a college campus, most students are away from their parents. This brings about some special challenges in meeting the needs of these young adults. I want to be sure you all have a link to our guidelines written today for supporting parents and university staff who work with college students at Univ&ParentGuidelinesVaTech. We also have free resources at www.cmionline.org. More importantly, please check out the downloadables link to see our long list of free pdf handouts. You are welcome to download any of these and make as many copies to give to anyone you like, leaving the footer with contact and copyright information intact.

A special note to universities...Often we think if youth don't let us know they're bothered, they're doing OK. This is a time to offer many differing opportunities for students to gather together in forums, in faith-based gatherings, in dorms and in other clusters. Included on the handout are suggestions for the structuring of such gatherings. Please feel free to go to our contacts page to leave an email of specific questions about how best to support students in these times. I will also be posting and answering questions in this "blog" forum as well.Our heartfelt sympathies are with families, friends, university staff and all whose lives have been touched by this terrible event.

Be well,

~ Cheri

Monday, December 4, 2006

Reflections on the shooting at Nickel Mines

Although I will edit some of the journaling I did while in Pennsylvania following the shooting of the Amish chidlren at Nickel Mines school, for now I'll begin with just an over arching thought.

With all of the school shootings we've had in the past, there has been a righteous anger, a wall of anger that we could all bump up against because many of the parents of the children who died, and the teachers and peers were able to voice anger themselves, which gave the rest of us unspoken permission to do so as well.

With the shooting of the Amish children, because the parents so immediately demonstrated their concern for the Roberts family and publicly spoke only of forgiveness, it left the rest of us with little room to have that same kind of anger. Instead, the largeness of the spirit of the Amish left us a great space in which we could examine our own reactions in a new light. While the Amish children are from such a peace loving culture, and because they shine with an innocence we can only wish for in our own children, Americans felt a greater sadness, and for some a greater anger. But because the Amish had no malice in their response, it created a space for all of us to allow ourselves a largeness of spirit as well.

In the three trips I made to Lancaster county following that shooting, I laid in bed, night after night, feeling almost detached from my body, floating into this larger space that was created by the lack of that wall of anger that is usually present. Each day I listened carefully to the Amish speak about their process. It isn't, they would say, that they've mastered this forgiveness, but rather that it is their way. It is their direction. It is the way they will all walk on this journey, although they are all spread out along that path. Some are quite fully forgiving and some, as individuals, are still working on this. All, however, agree that forgiveness is the way. In fact, many speak almost as though forgiveness is God's to give, and theirs is to accept and have no malice, but that it is almost as though it isn't even theirs to forgive, it is beyond that.

They sometimes say that they don't want the burdon of our belief that they are so good.... so able to do something that we as a culture don't do in the same way. But I think that it isn't that they have to be any different than they already are -- they have already done all that they needed to do in order to teach us this new possibility; that because they have, for generations, lived their lives in this way of forgiveness, that is what spoke to us all in October.

Who else, by any other life, faith or culture, could have brought our national networks to have to do a lead story on forgiveness?