Cheri's Blog - Notes from the field and open forum Q & A...

Reflections on September 11th

2011-09-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

As we approach 9/11, I find myself a little listless and somewhat lonely. Until the towers fell, I experienced 9/11 just the way most people on the West Coast did - seeing the coverage, horrified to think of the trauma, stretching to wrap my mind around it - but all of that shifted dramatically. The phone rang as the second tower collapsed; it was from the Chancellor's office, asking that I come to NYC to help the schools. In a heartbeat, the images on television shifted my mind from theoretical to threat. From philosophical to fear. From abstract to anxiety. Although I couldn't have imagined saying "no" to a request for help, neither could I imagine whether there were cars on streets or grocery stores open. I wondered if taxis were still running. It is difficult to remember how little we really knew in those early days, and how all of the coverage of New York was of the devastation. After seeing what, literally, had come down, it was almost impossible to imagine what might still be standing.

I spent much of the next two years working with schools in lower Manhattan, New York and in New Jersey. Just across the George Washington Bridge, hundreds of families lost the head of household when the towers collapsed. Many people with high paying jobs in Manhattan chose to live where they could have a swing set in the yard and a quiet street for the kids to learn to ride bikes. The needs were, for the most part, very distinct, and very different between the two settings. New York was more about the trauma of personal survival and running for one's life. New Jersey was about the horror of how beloved family members had died. In just one school where I worked, five staff and thirteen students lost a primary family member. Unfathomable.

We hadn't yet figured out the new normal when the next wave of terror arrived - anthrax. All of the mail from the Department of Education in New Jersey passed through the mail station that had tainted letters, and lower Manhattan's post office was involved as well. For that crisis, people on both sides of the Hudson had very similar responses. They were issued rubber gloves, masks and plastic aprons for opening the mail.

These major crises were the tidal waves in a turbulent sea of moment-to-moment anxiety, like when someone on the subway would panic and begin screaming that we were all going to die of sarin gas. One night in my hotel room bed I realized that the fighter jets flying grid over the city had changed direction and I was certain it meant another attack was imminent. After 20 minutes of controlled panic, I realized I was in a different hotel room than the prior night. This bed was oriented north/south instead of east/west. I wished at that moment that figuring that out would be enough to let me drift off easily to sleep...

In those two years of responding and the many returning trips providing workshops, I've held tight to my little group of "New York sistas" - about half a dozen women - teachers, administrators and counselors - who became my bosom buddies - my network - my lifeline to a whisper of sanity amidst the chaos. We still often get together for dinner when I'm back east.

So returning to Oregon after living out a couple of years of all of that was perhaps just a little like coming home from the peace corps or being on the fringe of a war zone... no one "back home" had shared the experience, so nobody had a frame of reference for relating or for actual conversation. None of my beloveds here had a really personal connection. That has made those women from New York all the more important through the years. They each have their survival stories from that day, but one in particular catches in my throat even now.

Fast forward to this tenth anniversary. It is difficult to find myself on the west coast for this particular anniversary. Still, I am appreciating that organizers for our 9/11 commemoration in little Salem, Oregon have created an incredible display of 5,000 flags in our waterfront park. Lit all night, there is one there for each person who died working in the towers, each who died responding to the towers, each fire fighter and police person who has died in the line of duty in Oregon since 9/11, and all from Oregon in the military who have died in wars since 9/11. Although I see 9/11 as being about something much larger than flags, patriotism, or our national boundaries, it is nonetheless an incredible and beautiful display taking up acres of lawn. Especially under the night lights, it is awe inspiring. Wandering through the collage of it all, it is difficult to find the moment when I've read enough names on the 9/11 flags and reflected on enough name plates of firemen. It is difficult to know how many times to find the name of the real sister of one of my beloved "New York sistas" - Ada's sister - Wendy Alice Rosario Wakeford. There is a place on that flag that is just theirs.

In the midst of my feelings of isolation about this, I decided that I really wanted to reach at least one group here in Oregon - those with whom I sing in a choir - in a way that could allow them to have some personal connection with 9/11. So I invited them to join me in a place that is just beside the tributes for the responders who died.

I asked how many were currently or had been teachers or worked in schools. Nearly half of the choir raised hands! (We have lots of music teachers in our choir.) Then I asked who all had ever HAD a teacher, which of course brought in everyone. I recalled how, early in my work in NYC, someone mentioned that there are 1.2 million children in NYC schools, and that there were nearly 30 schools that had to evacuate that day from in or around Ground Zero. No one came to tell the principals that the fire couldn't be put out and that things wouldn't be getting better. No one came to help them leave. So schools waited until after the towers collapsed and then had to evacuate in the midst of that deluge of smoke and roiling debris, and the falling, burning bits of computers and phones and chairs... and people.

I recalled that, not long after I began my work in NYC, comments began to be made about the miracle it was that all school children made it out of their schools alive and with almost no injuries. But I see it a little differently. I know that not one single group of students was abandoned by their teachers and staff. Students survived because teachers and staff had the courage and tenacity to walk those kids through all of that mayhem to safety. In a different application of the phrase - and in a very real sense - no child was left behind on 9/11. I still marvel at the stories of teachers whose spouses showed up and begged them to run for their lives, and those teachers implored their spouses to carry kids so the class could move faster. I tear up thinking of the stories of kindergarten teachers, whose students were the tiniest of all and had only experienced five days of school. They admonished their students not to let go of the hand they were holding no matter what. They led their classes, snaking through smoke so thick they couldn't see the back end of the line, steadily moving forward on faith. Many of the teachers in those schools were first-year teachers, so this was their fifth day of teaching! I shiver to think of the "what ifs" like the one school that had a classroom with a teacher and students who were all deaf and who didn't hear the all-call to evacuate, and of the one staff person who realized it after she'd left the building and went back....

None of those students in lower Manhattan made it out because of the actions of someone. They made it out because of the actions of everyone.

I invited my fellow choir members, and I invite all of you, to think back to a teacher that you had - no, to think back to every teacher that you had - and reflect for a moment on the likelihood that, even those teachers you didn't like all that well would have done the same for you. Make it personal by reflecting on the incredible role teachers played in the development of who you became, and by recognizing that, at the time, we didn't recognize how much they were really doing for us that went far beyond academics.

So on this decade anniversary, I celebrate their actions that day as a demonstration of the unspoken pledge that teachers take that goes way beyond "that we'll teach" and lands squarely on "that we'll protect" at a most basic level. Military people go to war and fight alongside a team of people who are all trained, who are all looking out for themselves and for one another. On 9/11, teachers and school staff left their buildings and walked into the war zone, fulfilling their responsibility to care for a whole classroom of kids who hadn't had any training and didn't know their part in looking out for one another or taking care of themselves. And they all got out - together.

I see it not as a miracle, but as a tribute to raw courage in the face of unparalleled threat. Unsung heroes among us. Everyday people who did extraordinary things. So to make it personal, as we pay tribute to those who lost their lives - victims and first responders - we can also pay tribute to those teachers of that place on that day in New York, and secondarily, to all of our teachers and school staff who, unknowingly, likely took that same unspoken pledge.

I am privileged to come in to the aftermath of these events and hear these stories of resolute spirit and raw determination. I am awestruck by their strength and tenacity. I am grateful for their bravery and their mettle. Having this window into their lives leaves me absolutely certain: I have the best job in the world.

The New School Year Is Here!

2011-08-29T23:32:00.001-07:00

Amidst the hurricane on the east coast and forest fires in the west, students are flooding back through the school doors and into our daily lives again. Because the anniversary of 9/11 occurs so early in the school year, guidelines for commemoration were the very first e-Newsletter to go out this year. I've invited people to send in ideas about how their schools decided to pay tribute to those whose lives were lost or vastly changed by that event. Check back to this blog over the next days - I hope to find time to post several. If you aren't on our email e-Newsletter list but would like to send in comments, please go to our website at cmionline.org and use the "contact us" link.

In the interim - have a sweet week as you start into the new year.

The New School Year!

2010-09-08T06:42:00.001-07:00

Time to look at the new school year, and I'm turning over a new leaf as well. Until now, the blog has just had personal reflections on life, but wasn't focused on "notes from the field" as much as I'd initially intended. This year, most of what will be on the blog will be professionally based. I'm still considering just how to use this space, but am determined that it will transition to being something helpful for all of you who are in contact because of crisis-related issues.

So stay tuned for that.

In the interim, the very quick catch-up from summer this year.... I again rode the Seattle-to-Portland this summer, but the only word to describe that event was "brutal" because of a bike malfunction. Nobody (even the bike maintenance folks in the support stops) figured out the problem in time to save me from a back injury that only deserves a frowny face.

On a really superbly happy note, my son married the most phenomenal woman on the planet (can you tell I like her?!). She's Italian, so they rented a castle in Italy, and 20 Americans and 40 Italians all gathered together for a magical weekend amidst the beautiful hill country in Northern Italy.

Stay tuned... We'll see how this blog takes form for helpful hints. I'm enjoying the process of learning how better to use social media and look forward to your comments.

Seattle-to-Portland 2009!

2009-07-29T06:21:00.001-07:00

We did it again! Linda and I hopped on our bikes early Saturday morning, July 11th, and pedaled our way all the way to Castle Rock (about 140 miles) for an earlier arrival this year. That was terrific - we had much more time to enjoy the Mexican Restaurant across from the hotel and settle in for the night.

Sunday morning we had a leisurely breakfast at the local diner and headed out into a dark and stormy morning. In fact, sprinkles moved us to put on our rain jackets less than a mile into the ride, but it never worked itself into a real rain. Others who didn't ride as far as we did on day one had lightening, hail and rain before they caught up to us!

So here is the picture of the celebratory finish. In October I'll be riding to raise funds for MS, and I hope that you'll consider donating even a very small amount. I have to raise $300 to be in the ride, so that could be lots of little tiny donations! You can go to my web page here for the MS ride by going to the "MS City to Shore" web site and putting "Cheri Lovre" into the participant search.

2009-04-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

As we continue to deal with the unfolding of the swine flu threat, we need to keep in mind that the health departments in your area will have the information you need on dealing with the health matters, school closures, etc. For the first discussion guideline CMI published for schools you can go to this link.

A few more ideas:

Have school nurses give quick guides for teachers to teach students about our immune systems, reinforcing that most people who get these illnesses just get sick and then get better. If kids ask about who will die from a flu, point out that very young and very old people are most at risk, and that most of us have a pretty good immune system to help us ward off or survive disease.

If students are concerned about flu-related fatality, teachers could represent the large percentage of people who are surviving this flu by using one white bean in a gallon jar of black beans to represent that the vast majority of people who are contracting this flu are surviving. Students could first hear about immune systems, and then the teacher has the gallon jar and puts in lots of black beans, and then generates further discussion about immune systems.

That same jar could be a lesson for older students in the phenomenon of mutation and why it is so helpful to contain the disease. Each bean represents one person who contracts the disease. And each bean, then, represents one more opportunity for the virus to mutate into a more virulent form. So if we put one bean in the jar and that represents that only one person caught this flu from another, the virus has no further chance to mutate. But if 10 people catch the flu from that person, the virus has 10 times more opportunities to mutate. And 100 cases gives 100 opportunities. That means containing the spread is the most effective thing we can do right now.

There are a few precautions that we can teach children (and adults!) that will make a difference. Although we hear to cover our cough, we are not hearing often enough to cough into the crook of our elbow rather than into our hands. As soon as we cover a cough with our hands, everything we touch leaves those "germs" that can then be picked up by others. Keeping our cough and sneeze droplets off surfaces and off our own hands is the goal. And that is why hand-washing becomes critical.

For hand washing, teach kids that using soap and making it bubble and taking some time with it is essential. One way to help kids know how long to keep mushing that lather around on their hands is to have them sing one verse of the "Happy Birthday" song. Soap and water is much more effective than hand disinfectants such as Purell.

Continued Biking Adventures!

2008-10-14T02:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been following our biking, we had another terrific year! Linda again flew out to Oregon so we could do the Seattle to Portland, and I just returned from the City to Shore fundraiser for MS - a ride from just outside Philly to Ocean City, NJ and back. Both rides had new "firsts" for us.

On the STP, we made 142 miles our first day - from Seattle to Castle Rock! What a feat of stamina and endurance it was for the last 10 miles! So the fun part was that on day two, we only had about 64 miles left to go, and we averaged 17.2 miles per hour for 60 miles. THAT was TERRIFIC!

The new "first" for us with the CTS was being part of a larger team. Linda's principal was thrilled last year when we did this, because his father died of MS in 1990. So she convinced him to train and ride with us... and then he recruited three other young bucks to ride along. So the six of us raised $5,000 and had a blast on the ride.

So here we are on this year's STP and also one of the team at the beach, which is half way through the CTS ride. None of the fellows were limping yet!!!!

Pictures from this Past Year

2008-06-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

Packing my bike to go to the east coast... my son Cameron is a great help!

Finish line of last year's MS ride. Just Linda and me. This year we'll be part of Andy's team, not just riding in memory of his father!

Here is the most amazing woman - she is 85 and has ridden the MS ride for almost 25 years. Notice the skirt and high heels! She gets spontaneous applause from everybody at every rest stop along the way.

Me and my shadow - I snapped this with my phone camera on a training ride through the farmlands of the Willamette Valley where I live.

Kris Long from North Dakota is one of many people who bring delight to being on the road.

REFLECTIONS ON THE YEAR...

2008-06-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

The ASCA conference is nearly upon us, which means we've wrapped up another school year. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the year. This is a time when I can sit back to consider new trends and unusual phenomenon in the greater arena of school crisis. One way I measure that is to look at what circumstances led people who had attended training, and in many cases have led very active and accomplished crisis response teams, to call for coaching. Often teams respond to a variety of deaths and events and then find one that throws them for a loop, or has potential legal implications, or has great conflict with the ethics or values of a district. At those times I am very open to providing all of the phone consultation and often some email support as well, to help teams get through as well as possible.

Looking historically, although the changes may not have been as abrupt as it seemed, the difference in the '80s and the '90s in school crisis seemed to be all about school shootings and the advent of threat assessment. Although this has been a continuing theme since the turn of this century, I am receiving a few other categories of calls for assistance much more often than a decade or even a few years ago.

One is that there seems to be an upsurge in arrests of teachers for the broad category of child sexual abuse, ranging from teachers having affairs with students to teachers arrested for involvement with child pornography to those who think they are soliciting sex with a minor only to be met at the rendezvous by an FBI agent. At those times, district administrators often struggle with how much to tell students about why the teacher is gone and question how much to tell parents through letters or other communications. Although there is much to consider in cases such as these, clearly there is one standard by which I measure much, and that is, to maintain the trust of parents, it is much better for them to hear it from us than to hear it from another source. Hearing from anyone other than the school guarantees that the school's efforts, policies and procedures, immediate action and methods of safeguarding children will not be represented. Instead, parents will come to believe that the school's efforts are what the media reports, or what they hear via the grapevine, and those will never do the district justice.

Another new phenomenon (probably not new, but coming to our attention more and more often) includes students who have committed homicide, often involving another student or people in the community who are known to the school. In this category, I'm not speaking of gang-related incidents, but rather times when a student who appears by all standards to be an ordinary kid. And something goes amiss. Something that leaves the students, the school and the community with their mouths agape. Often, again, administration is reluctant to address these events openly with students. But our failure to do so simply reinforces to students that, yes, even homicide is just a part of everyday life and we can certainly go on as though nothing has happened. To do this sorely misses the teachable moment for students and we reinforce the school climate that says to students, "If you hear of someone planning such a horrific event, you need not mention it to anyone. We don't talk about those things here." Sweeping these incidents under the rug leaves our schools and our communities more vulnerable to continued similar events.

Finally, this year brought a great number of schools calling with unusual teacher or staff deaths with which to cope. Some were teacher deaths due to socially unacceptable deaths (such as drunk driving) and others were simply heart wrenching moments (such as the death of a pregnant teacher or the death of the infant of a teacher in a school in which there were several other pregnant teachers).

Each of these calls is just as valuable to me as it is for those of you who place them. I know that even my just being a sounding board can help you hear your own process with greater clarity, but too, I know I bring the thoughts that have been generated in a hundred calls like this over the past years, and many good people with whom I've worked have come to great solutions for sticky challenges. My greater message in all of this is that I never want you to hesitate to call to check out an idea, ask for suggestions or see whether I might already have a handout that will be helpful in the moment. This is an ever-changing field and it is my job to stay on the cutting edge and be available to bring that knowledge to you in the moments you most need it.
Enjoy summer and we'll "see" you again in the fall!

CJ

CARE FOR THE CAREGIVER

2008-06-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

Many of you ask how I stay so very optimistic in the face of the kinds of circumstances that fill my work. And those of you who attended my keynote at the Pennsylvania School Counselors Association Conference or the conference for counselors in North Dakota all know - biking is one of the major stress reducers in my life. So we're doing it again ~ Linda Shoemaker (counselor from Lancaster county, PA) and I are gearing up for the Seattle-to-Portland bike ride on July 12-13 (that's 204 miles from [duh] Seattle, WA to Portland, OR) and then (drum roll, please) (here's where you come in...) we are also once again raising funds for research to fight Multiple Sclerosis and will do the City to Shore MS Fundraiser Ride in September. I have to raise $250 to be allowed to ride. As riders, we both pay a registration fee (I did that on faith!) and then have to raise the $250.

Last year we rode in tribute to the life of Myron Godfrey, the father of Linda's principal, Andy Godfrey. Andy was moved that we would do his and, in fact, his family contributed to my fundraising efforts. This year, Andy and two other fellows from the Lampter-Strausburg School District are joining with Linda and me and the good news is that we're a team! We're the Pioneer Peddlers (their school team name being the Pioneers). The bad news is that all of Andy's family who will contribute will now contribute to his fundraising efforts, so I'm on my own this year.

We each have a web page for the fundraising, and they're kind of fun to read whether you want to contribute or not. I ride because I love to ride, and even more, because as my joints age, it is the "use it or lose it" syndrome! But for the MS ride, I also find great inspiration as we ride for 150 miles and sprinkled along the path are people who are in camp chairs to wheel chairs with signs like, "I have MS. Thank you for riding." They are in all different levels of disability with the disease, and I'm sure that many who are flagging us through intersections also have MS but are physically fit enough to be helping. Others fix us PB&Js and hand out treats at the rest stops. They think they're inspired to see us ride, but it is really the other way around. It is amazing to me that in the midst of their struggles, they show up the show appreciation. The other absolutely delightful inspiration is the 85-year-old Asian woman who has done this ride (remember, we're talking 150 miles here) for almost 25 years, always in high heels and a nice little skirt. (No kidding!)

So! Take a look here to see my MS Ride web page. And if you know of someone whose loved one has MS and you think they might want to contribute toward research, please feel free to forward this link to them as well.

2007-11-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

One of the things we talk about in training is how important care for the caregiver is -- those of us who work in fields that are demanding of us on a psychological or emotional level can easily hit burn-out if we aren't finding wonderful ways of rejuvenation and renewal. I thought it would be fun to post a little about the greatest physical outlet I use - cycling. How surprising and delightful that my biking buddy ends up being a school counselor I met in the process of responding to the Nickel Mines shooting in October of 2006.

We met in October, were becoming fast friends, and she decided to join a gym in December, purchased a bike in April, and we did our first 204 mile bicycle event joining 8,998 other riders in the "Seattle-to-Portland" in July of '07. What a rush! It is just great fun to have bikers ahead of and behind you for as far as you can see. We loved it so much we signed up to do the MS fund raiser that goes from Cherry Hill NJ to Ocean City and back again. 175 miles of pure heaven.

What I love about riding with Linda is that we are almost one unit when we get into it. Heads down, shoulders rounded, one front tire just off the back of the other's, and we just zoom. Last summer we rode the MS fund raiser in memory of Linda's principal's father, who died of MS. If you know someone who has MS or would like to donate to our fund raising efforts, the web site for that ride is "City to Shore" MS ride, and it will let you look for a rider's page. Put in "Cheri Lovre" and you should find my page.

BLOG 101 ~ How to read comments, and ask questions...

2007-04-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

For those that are new to "Blogging" here's a tip:

Several people have posted comments, asked questions, and want to read what others have written and what my feedback has been. To read these things, just go to the bottom of the "post" or "letter" that I have written, and there is a little line below my signature that reads "comments" - click on that and it will take you where you need to go!

Thanks for taking time to look at my blog site, and your interest in what others are asking and saying.

Virginia Tech

2007-04-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

It is with great sadness that we send out this message. Our hearts are heavy as we all hold great compassion for those whose lives have been shattered by this terrible event at Virginia Tech. Many of you on our mailing list are in K-12 schools, but many of you are also parents of college students. We hope you'll forward it to other parents of college students and especially, to those you might know who work in colleges. Resources and links...We all always hope it won't happen again, and we all know that, somewhere, some time, it will. But this was again, another worst.

Because it happened on a college campus, most students are away from their parents. This brings about some special challenges in meeting the needs of these young adults. I want to be sure you all have a link to our guidelines written today for supporting parents and university staff who work with college students at Univ&ParentGuidelinesVaTech. We also have free resources at www.cmionline.org. More importantly, please check out the downloadables link to see our long list of free pdf handouts. You are welcome to download any of these and make as many copies to give to anyone you like, leaving the footer with contact and copyright information intact.

A special note to universities...Often we think if youth don't let us know they're bothered, they're doing OK. This is a time to offer many differing opportunities for students to gather together in forums, in faith-based gatherings, in dorms and in other clusters. Included on the handout are suggestions for the structuring of such gatherings. Please feel free to go to our contacts page to leave an email of specific questions about how best to support students in these times. I will also be posting and answering questions in this "blog" forum as well.Our heartfelt sympathies are with families, friends, university staff and all whose lives have been touched by this terrible event.

Be well,

~ Cheri

Reflections on the shooting at Nickel Mines

2006-12-04T21:16:00.000-08:00

Although I will edit some of the journaling I did while in Pennsylvania following the shooting of the Amish chidlren at Nickel Mines school, for now I'll begin with just an over arching thought.

With all of the school shootings we've had in the past, there has been a righteous anger, a wall of anger that we could all bump up against because many of the parents of the children who died, and the teachers and peers were able to voice anger themselves, which gave the rest of us unspoken permission to do so as well.

With the shooting of the Amish children, because the parents so immediately demonstrated their concern for the Roberts family and publicly spoke only of forgiveness, it left the rest of us with little room to have that same kind of anger. Instead, the largeness of the spirit of the Amish left us a great space in which we could examine our own reactions in a new light. While the Amish children are from such a peace loving culture, and because they shine with an innocence we can only wish for in our own children, Americans felt a greater sadness, and for some a greater anger. But because the Amish had no malice in their response, it created a space for all of us to allow ourselves a largeness of spirit as well.

In the three trips I made to Lancaster county following that shooting, I laid in bed, night after night, feeling almost detached from my body, floating into this larger space that was created by the lack of that wall of anger that is usually present. Each day I listened carefully to the Amish speak about their process. It isn't, they would say, that they've mastered this forgiveness, but rather that it is their way. It is their direction. It is the way they will all walk on this journey, although they are all spread out along that path. Some are quite fully forgiving and some, as individuals, are still working on this. All, however, agree that forgiveness is the way. In fact, many speak almost as though forgiveness is God's to give, and theirs is to accept and have no malice, but that it is almost as though it isn't even theirs to forgive, it is beyond that.

They sometimes say that they don't want the burdon of our belief that they are so good.... so able to do something that we as a culture don't do in the same way. But I think that it isn't that they have to be any different than they already are -- they have already done all that they needed to do in order to teach us this new possibility; that because they have, for generations, lived their lives in this way of forgiveness, that is what spoke to us all in October.

Who else, by any other life, faith or culture, could have brought our national networks to have to do a lead story on forgiveness?